Recovering

Warning: This post contains likely major emotional triggers. Read with caution.

Yesterday and today have been days of recovery for me. This last few months have been quite taxing for me. I have been dealing with a lot lately First, in May my partner dislocated their knee. They’re still suffering from that – going to physical therapy twice a week on top of working a fulltime job in customer service where they have to be on their feet most of the day. So there’s been a lot of stress from that.

Then in June my little brother got hit by a car and broke both bones in his right, lower leg. He ended up having to have surgery to put a pin in one of the bones. This caused more distress than a typical broken leg because he also has Down Syndrome so he’s physically disabled as well. He had to spend 39 days hospitalized and that was stressful for everyone involved. Our mother (he lives with her) works two jobs so I spent most of my time going back and forth to keep him company. He was hospitalized about 30 miles away and I don’t drive so I had to take a 1.5-hour bus ride to and then back almost every day.

After that he got to go home but Mum still needed(s) help getting him up and down the stairs (they live on the second floor of their apartment complex) so I’ve been going to their place almost every other day. This has also been taking its toll on my anxiety and other emotional issues.

There’s also the fact that I’ve been stressing over my own health issues. One being the infection and the subsequent allergic reaction  (see this post for details) to my antibiotics. Then there was my mental health appointment to see if I needed psychotropic meds to help me manage my mental state. This wouldn’t have been such an issue if it wasn’t for my appointment landing less than a week before I go to Reno to visit me family (yet another stresser for me).

All of these factors built up on me and the straw that broke the camel’s back was having a fight with my partner. I thought I was going to be fine (we made up quickly) but the next morning (the day before my head med appointment) I was still feeling really off and rather self-destructive so I went to see my therapist. Her receptionist told me that she was with another client and gave me the number to the crisis hot-line.

Let me tell you, I’ll never call those people again. I know that talking to a neutral person can be a great thing for some and I would still strongly suggest giving them a try if you really need to talk to someone but it didn’t work for me. After 15 minutes I went from barley in control to fighting with all I could to not hurt myself. Thankfully, I was with my partner at the time and we didn’t go far from my therapist’s office because my partner was able to be convince me to go back to see her. From there I was given Ativan and stayed in the ER until my 09:30 appointment the next morning.

After my appointment I went home because I was calm and no longer a threat to myself. I left my doctor’s office with a prescription for Seroquel and an antianxiety med. Hopefully these will help but I haven’t taken them yet because I just picked up my prescription today. I’ll make an update post on how things are going as soon as I feel like I can.

As I said yesterday and today have been all about recovery. Yesterday I went out to eat with my mum and brother to not be alone all day while my partner was at work. Then my partner came home and we had a good evening and got some much needed rest.

Today I had lunch with my partner and have spent most of the day home alone (my partner had to go to work because they don’t have any sick time due to using it for their knee injury in May) with calls from my therapist and I’ve been on and off “blah” but I haven’t been feeling like a danger to myself. I’ve mostly been researching (I’m a knowledge junky and it helps take my mind off of things) and listening to music most of the day so I think I’m doing as well as to be expected. Heck, I haven’t had to take my antianxiety meds yet so I think that’s a good sign.

Wow, I can’t believe I was able to write so much about this and not start feeling like crap. I think I’m still a bit numb from the whole ordeal. Well, I hope that my venting helps more than hurts anyone reading this. I know it has helped me a lot.

Thank you for your time,

Xan

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