Weekly Goals

Last week my goals were:

  • Eat in at least 3 times a week for every meal.

I did a lot better on this than I thought I would seeing how it can be rather difficult for me to break out of a pattern especially if it’s an easy one to follow. I did eat out several times this last week but not nearly as much and I cooked more than one meal. I also ate leftovers which I can be quite bad about doing.

  • Walk for at least 30 minutes 3 times a week.

I did this and more! On Monday I hiked for about an hour and on three other days I walked about an hour or more. I also when to the market and wandered around for more than two hours. I’d say I did okay with this one.

  • Write at least 3 times a week. /Post at least once a week.

Well, I didn’t writ as much as I would have liked to but I have been physically busy this last week and I did do a lot of research when I was on the computer. If you count this post I did post once per week so I’d say I didn’t do bad on this I just didn’t do it as I expected to do.

  • Get my mental health on track.

I did go to my doctor’s appointment that got rescheduled for yesterday and talked about my head meds and the issues I had with them. He gave me a few suggestions and is allowing me to do some research before committing to anything. This will also give my brain a break from all the wonky issues caused by the last ones. I’ve also been doing a lot better keeping positive and not taking so much personally.

These goals are a work in progress but I think I did well with them. My goals for next week are:

  • Keep up on last week’s goals. Improve on them if I can i.e.: Write more and try not to eat out as much.
  • Get the house better organized. I don’t know what’s hit me but I’ve been feeling a lot more active this last week. Blame it on keeping up on some goals or a side effect of coming off almost two weeks of my old head meds messing me up or the change in the season. I don’t really care what it is other that I’d like to keep this mindset up as long as possible, but I’m glad I have been so much more productive than I had been in months.
  • Try to work on my job resume. I’ve been looking into getting a job so that I won’t have to rely on my partner’s income as much. I mean, I do make some money but I also don’t want to have to rely on “big brother” to keep food/home for me.
  • Limit spending on “silly little things.” I have been mostly good about this and not eating out as much has been a huge help but I’m trying to pay off my debt and every little bit helps. This is also another reason to want to get a job. A) I’ll have more money to spend/save. B) I’ll have less time to spend it.

Well, this looks like a good place to end this for now.

Take care everyone,

Xan

Goals

I’m just going to put these here as a reminder to myself.

  • Eat in at least 3 times a week for every meal. I want to get this up to 5 or more times but I think three is a good start. This is very important because my body is suffering from all the fatty, salty fast food I’ve been eating these last… many months.
  • Walk for at least 30 minutes 3 times a week. I want to work this one up to every day. Again, starting small.
  • Write at least 3 times a week. It may or may not be posted every time. Post at least once a week. Working up to writing every day.
  • Get my mental health on track. This is probably the most important thing on my list. I need to do this so I stop acting like an ass and hurting everyone around me.

My vacation is up and I need to get my act together. There’s no room for excuses any more.

Xan

An Update

First off my vacation was strange and I felt off the whole time I was in Reno thanks to my head meds messing me all up. The good news is that I’m now off those darn things but I have to find out what I’m going to be doing now on Thursday when I see my doc again.

Back to the vacation. Other than feeling very off and having to go to the hospital due to having a lot of nasty side effects that caused major swelling in my legs and feet, high blood presser, and near fainting to name a few issues. My vacation went well until the last day. The night before ended kind of strange with Mum being a jerk to my little brother just because he didn’t want her to wear his shorts but I thought it was all fine when she apologized to him in the morning.

Apparently, I was wrong. First off she got pissed off at me for trying to take her down a “short-cut” (I was the navigator all trip) that turned out to be a bad idea thanks to a ton a winding mountain roads (Mum hates driving on them). Ok, I get this was bad and I tried to apologize to her for it. I even suggested for her to just go back the way we came but no, she was having none of that. Instead, she told me that I had been belittling her the whole vacation and that she was going to dump me off at the next town so I could get home on my own.

This pissed me off. First off if she would have told me that I was doing wrong beforethen I could have tried to do something to fix it. Secondly, and I told her this I consider her threat to “dump” me in the next town to be abandonment. So yeah, I was pissed and I told her so.

Now perhaps you’re thinking people say a lot of things when their mad. This is true and I may have written her off as just being mad but she has done similar things to me before so I had reason to believe that she would have done this so I refused to get out of the car at any rest stop. This made my legs and back hurt like hell. Not to mention I had to pee badly at one point so the last 7+ hours of my trip was horrible.

My sister and her family (her husband and 5 boys) came back with us and spent three days with us. I had a blast with them. We when to the Space Needle, ate tons of food, and when to a park while they were here. Mum spent some time with them too so I had to be nice to her despite my being angry with her.

Today is the first day I’ve had some free time to myself where I didn’t have to go anywhere since the beginning of my trip to Reno on 8/24. Do you know what I did? I decided to hang out with a friend of mine that I haven’t seen in a long while. Yep, I’m once again going somewhere… lol

Anyway, all in all my vacation was strange but good and I really enjoyed hanging out with my sister and her family. Will I do it all again next year? No, not all of it. I mean I’ll do what I can to go to Reno and see my family and if they come here I’ll certainly hang out with them again but, I’m not going to go with my mum again. I didn’t appreciate her threat and attitude towards me and my brother.

Take care everyone,

Xan

Recovering

Warning: This post contains likely major emotional triggers. Read with caution.

Yesterday and today have been days of recovery for me. This last few months have been quite taxing for me. I have been dealing with a lot lately First, in May my partner dislocated their knee. They’re still suffering from that – going to physical therapy twice a week on top of working a fulltime job in customer service where they have to be on their feet most of the day. So there’s been a lot of stress from that.

Then in June my little brother got hit by a car and broke both bones in his right, lower leg. He ended up having to have surgery to put a pin in one of the bones. This caused more distress than a typical broken leg because he also has Down Syndrome so he’s physically disabled as well. He had to spend 39 days hospitalized and that was stressful for everyone involved. Our mother (he lives with her) works two jobs so I spent most of my time going back and forth to keep him company. He was hospitalized about 30 miles away and I don’t drive so I had to take a 1.5-hour bus ride to and then back almost every day.

After that he got to go home but Mum still needed(s) help getting him up and down the stairs (they live on the second floor of their apartment complex) so I’ve been going to their place almost every other day. This has also been taking its toll on my anxiety and other emotional issues.

There’s also the fact that I’ve been stressing over my own health issues. One being the infection and the subsequent allergic reaction  (see this post for details) to my antibiotics. Then there was my mental health appointment to see if I needed psychotropic meds to help me manage my mental state. This wouldn’t have been such an issue if it wasn’t for my appointment landing less than a week before I go to Reno to visit me family (yet another stresser for me).

All of these factors built up on me and the straw that broke the camel’s back was having a fight with my partner. I thought I was going to be fine (we made up quickly) but the next morning (the day before my head med appointment) I was still feeling really off and rather self-destructive so I went to see my therapist. Her receptionist told me that she was with another client and gave me the number to the crisis hot-line.

Let me tell you, I’ll never call those people again. I know that talking to a neutral person can be a great thing for some and I would still strongly suggest giving them a try if you really need to talk to someone but it didn’t work for me. After 15 minutes I went from barley in control to fighting with all I could to not hurt myself. Thankfully, I was with my partner at the time and we didn’t go far from my therapist’s office because my partner was able to be convince me to go back to see her. From there I was given Ativan and stayed in the ER until my 09:30 appointment the next morning.

After my appointment I went home because I was calm and no longer a threat to myself. I left my doctor’s office with a prescription for Seroquel and an antianxiety med. Hopefully these will help but I haven’t taken them yet because I just picked up my prescription today. I’ll make an update post on how things are going as soon as I feel like I can.

As I said yesterday and today have been all about recovery. Yesterday I went out to eat with my mum and brother to not be alone all day while my partner was at work. Then my partner came home and we had a good evening and got some much needed rest.

Today I had lunch with my partner and have spent most of the day home alone (my partner had to go to work because they don’t have any sick time due to using it for their knee injury in May) with calls from my therapist and I’ve been on and off “blah” but I haven’t been feeling like a danger to myself. I’ve mostly been researching (I’m a knowledge junky and it helps take my mind off of things) and listening to music most of the day so I think I’m doing as well as to be expected. Heck, I haven’t had to take my antianxiety meds yet so I think that’s a good sign.

Wow, I can’t believe I was able to write so much about this and not start feeling like crap. I think I’m still a bit numb from the whole ordeal. Well, I hope that my venting helps more than hurts anyone reading this. I know it has helped me a lot.

Thank you for your time,

Xan

The Daily Prompt: Complicated

Today’s daily prompt is “complicated“.

Well, there’s a word to describe me and my life. I have a complicated relationship with my parents. My mental illness in complicated to say the least. Even my relationship with my mate is complicated.

As negative as the word “complicated” may seem my life isn’t bad at all. I mean we all have bad moments but, those are only moments.  In reality I love the word “complicated.” I’d rather be complicated than boring.

“Complicated” brings to mind words like “complex” and I am very complex – not easy to figure out. As I write more you’ll see just what I mean. And no, I don’t have a problem with being like that.

Until next time,

Xan

The Daily Prompt: Reach

This is in response to The Daily Prompt – REACH.

Here I’m going to try to use the word REACH as much as possible.

REACH – this word is an inspiring word to me.

One can REACH their goals, or REACH out to others for many reasons.

They can REACH too far and get hurt (emotionally or physically) or they can get great satisfaction by REACHing the right person/people.

Currently, I’m trying to REACH out to others to share the book that I call my life. Though I’m just starting on this journey I feel hopeful that can REACH far enough to touch at least one person and change them. I hope that change will be for the better but time will tell.

I’m also trying to REACH my goals of writing more and sharing more with others. Learning how to better network is another goal I’m trying to REACH.

One can try to REACH someone by mail, phone or computer.

When I REACH into my pocket I’ll likely find my keys or wallet depending on what pocket I REACH into.

This prompt has REACHed a ridicules level.

I’m about to REACH my attention limit.

Now it time that this REACHes its end.

Thanks for sticking with me on this silly but fun prompt,

Xan

Welcome and a bit of a Warning

Hello everyone,

Welcome to my blog. This is where I plan on putting in my two since from time to time. It’s likely to be rather random. I’m not going to promise to write every day but I’m testing the waters to see what I can do.

Warning: This blog may have bad language, homosexuality, off color jokes, bad spelling/grammar, rants and/or extremely blunt. In other words, if you’re easily offended or triggered by ANYTHING that one can take as offensive I’d suggest you don’t read anything I have posted for I’m not always that good at warning others about it being… off in any way.

I hope you all enjoy,

Xan