Ok, I’ve had an issue with being diagnosed with a mental disorder for a very long time. It’s why I’ve been so reluctant to get treatment for my physiological problems. I fear that others, most importantly doctors, will take a look at the fact that I have a mental illness and wright off any ligament physical issues. I just witnessed a shining example of that a few days ago.
Let me first explain that this all started a week earlier with these three little bug bites. They were itchy and annoying but I’m sensitive to things like that so I didn’t think of it. Two days later the surrounding tissue got extremely inflamed. The day after that my lymph nodes closest to the area were swollen and painful as well. So I got a doctor’s appointment as soon as I could. The doctor thought it was an infection and gave me Keflex but also referred me to get some other tests done just to be safe.
That night I wound up super achy all over and had a rash on my chest. I was also feeling really panicked but not like a typical panic attack I felt just WEIRD. That’s when I went to the ER. The first doctor looked at my chart. (I had been there before and my doctor is part of the same system so all my current and past information is also where all the doctors can see it. This usually helps things run quicker and smoother.) He read where I had been diagnosed as schizoaffective with several other panic disorders and depression on the side (I’ve worked with many doctors on my mental issues and they all have their opinions on what to “label” me as) and decided that I was having a psychotic break and nothing more.
Then one of the nurses, while he was drawing my blood, kept asking, “Do you like to watch yourself bleed?” As if I got off on it or something. In reality I’d rather see what the person is doing because I honestly don’t like the lack of control I have when I’m not feeling well.
Then there was a shift change and the new doctor actually LISTENED to my symptoms and found out that I was having an allergic reaction to my meds. The fix: Benadryl and a med change. It was THAT simple. No, opioids or pain killers were prescribed.
Now, the way that first doctor acted pisses my off. It’s like I couldn’t be actually sick because I was mentally ill. I hate that mentality and that’s the number one reason why I fear getting treated for my actual mental illness. It’s likely I’m bipolar but I have always refused to let doctors label me as such.
As of that nurse I don’t know what his deal was. It was like he was TRYING to get a rise out of me or something. Either that or he thought I was wanting to hurt myself (I have been treated for self-harm before) or he was confused or curious about why I wanted to watch. Whatever the case it was creepy and actually did slightly trigger me.
On the other hand, I also hate people who find out that I’m disabled and then say, “You don’t LOOK disabled.” As if disabled is only a physical thing. I have several physical issues including RA and fibromyalgia but I don’t sit there and throw a pity party for myself or call attention to them often.
That’s the end of this rant.
Until next time,